Love Challenged

In today’s Gospel, John 21: 15-19, Jesus asks Peter three times do you love me.  Each time Peter says “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”  He is deeply hurt when Jesus asks that question the third time, yet Peter needs to know how painful it was for Jesus to be denied three times by him in the hour of His greatest need for support. The Lord’s response to each of Peter’s “yeses” is : Feed my lambs, Feed my sheep (said 2xs).  It’s  like the Lord is saying: “Feed both the young and the old and everyone in-between.” His service is not to be exclusive, nor is his love. 

When his life got really tough following Jesus’ arrest, Peter falters.  His love wanes or wavers. “I don’t even know the man,” he replies to those challenging him.  When we encounter “rough waters,” it is easy to abandon ship, to walk away from the conflict, deny knowing anything of whatever is painful to process or endure. Like Peter we have both tendencies: fierce loyalty and strong fears  that can lead us to abandon all.

Our dialogue with Jesus might sound something like the following:

Do you love Me, Jesus asks!

Yes, Lord, I do love you.

Do you love Me, Jesus asks, as we shiver in our boots in front of an irate person.

Yes, Lord, I do love you.

Do you love me, Jesus asks, enough to stay in the stormy situation, listening calmly, quietly, compassionately to the person venting his/her anger?

Ugh, Lord, I’ scared. I want to flee.

Do you love Me, Jesus asks, when things go wrong, your patience is worn thin, and your ability to understand is clouded with anger and confusion and hurt?

But, Lord, it is so hard to hang in there, just loving You. Many times I want to fight back, argue, put down  the person or thrash the machine responsible for the mess I am experiencing.

Do you love Me, the Lord asks me.

Yes, Lord, I do love you.

That is all I ask of you. Love me. Feed my lambs. Feed my sheep. Serve others. Do good for others. Anchored in my love, your boat will not be rocked by ranting, raving individuals, by situations that strip the less strong of their patience, their compassion, their understanding, their strength to stay calm, ‘yes, their humility in the face of being powerless to quiet another person or repair a broken down machine instantly.

Just love me; that is all I ask of you in all of the vicissitudes of life, in the good and evil, in the pleasant and unpleasant, in the challenging and the rewarding. Do you really love me?