Accountability, Integrity, Honesty

In today's first reading from the second book of Samuel, 2 Sam 12: 1-7a, 10-17, God sends the prophet Nathan to confront David, who covered up his sin against Uriah, having taken his wife as his own and having relations with her leading to Bathsheba becoming pregnant. His initial lying led to the greater sin of arranging for Uriah's death.  David thought that he would get away with his crimes against Uriah and his family, but did not.  Neither will you and I get away with whatever wrongs we have committed.  Being held accountable, hopefully, will happen for us here on earth and not wait until eternity.

Every night when we listen to the news we hear of cover-ups, denials and persons enabling others to get away with their crimes against humanity.  And so much more of this kind of corruption occurs  that is not part of the news.  This behavior goes all the way back to the story in Genesis of Adam and Eve covering up their sinful behavior. "I hid from you," Adam tells God, "because I was naked."  God held both Adam and Eve accountable for their sins and continues to all you and me to openness about our wrongdoings, as He did with David.  David repented, modeling the importance of owning up to how we have harmed others.

Can God count on you and I to be a "Nathan," a woman/a man of integrity, a person who will stand up to truth and hold ourselves and others accountable? Or do we cower from those who threaten us and bully us to remain silent, either of our own sinfulness or that of others?

Honesty in Prayer

In today's first reading, 1 Samuel 1: 9-20, Hannah pours out her soul to the Lord, expressing her deep sorrow at not being able to bear children and enduring Penninah's  repeated insults about her barrenness.  "In her bitterness she prayed to the Lord, weeping copiously, and she made a vow promising:  "O Lord of hosts,  if you look with pity on the misery of your handmaid, if you remember me and do not forget me, if you give your handmaid a male child, I will give him to the Lord for as long as he lives; neither wine nor liquor shall  he drink, and no razor shall ever touch his head.'" Her emotional expression of her grief leads Eli, the priest, to think that she is drunk and, insultingly, he asks her:  "How long will you make a drunken show of yourself?  Sober up from your wine!"  Being the strong woman that she is, Hannah stands up to the priest and reveals her soul to him, telling him that she is  not drunk but is expressing  her misery to the Lord on being childless.  Eli realizes that he has judged her wrongly and says to her: "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."  Hannah then asked him to think kindly of her!

God did hear Hannah's prayer and she conceived a son, Samuel, whom she dedicated to the Lord!

What do we learn from this Scripture passage?  Number one, to bare our souls to the Lord in prayer, as Hannah did. God wants us to be honest with Him and not pretend that everything is okay when, in fact, we are in misery. God cares about our sufferings but we need to be open about the pain we are experiencing.  Only then can God help us.  Number two, to be honest with others who make fun of us and not withdraw into silence, bearing the insults and repressing our sorrow.  Repressed feelings do not go away but fester until such time as we embrace them and are honest with ourselves. Only then do we experience the freedom and vindication that Hannah experienced when she confronted Eli, not in anger but in truth. Cooperating with grace, Eli realized that he had misjudged her, wished her peace and prayed that God would respond positively to her. Even if Hannah had not gotten a positive response from Eli, the truth freed her from becoming resentful.

What do you, do I, do with our bitterness? our hurts? our misery?  our concerns?  Do we, in fact, go to the Lord and bare our souls to Him?  During one of my prayer hours, I was silent about an issue that was troubling me. The Lord confronted me and said something like:"I know that you are covering up an issue rather than being honest with me! I can only help you if you open your heart to me and share your sorrow and the source of that sorrow."  Every time I lay my heart bare to the Lord, I am amazed at His response and the peace that floods my soul. If I am not honest and leave prayer without having shared my true concerns, I take my  negative feelings and unresolved issue with me, as I certainly did not leave them with God! How sad when that happens and how sad God, too, must be when I do that!

What about you?

Courage, Truth, and Liberation

In today’s first reading, 1 Samuel 1: 9-20, Hannah pours out her soul to the Lord, telling the Lord of her agony in being barren and the pain of repeatedly being insulted and disrespected by Peninnah, her husband’s other wife, who has borne him children.  She is devastated by her inability to conceive and begs the Lord to grant her a male child. Eli, the priest, observes her prayer, hears her sobbing inconsolably, sees her lips moving and concludes that she is drunk.  Brashly, he says to her: “How long will you make a drunken show of yourself? Sober up from your wine.”  Hannah, a courageous woman, a women of integrity and inner strength, stands up to him, not allowing him to get away with abusing her verbally and emotionally.  She puts right his wrong, telling him that she has “had neither wine nor liquor; I was only pouring out my troubles to the Lord.”

Who am I in this Scripture story? Penninah, Hannah, or Eli?  Do I insult and degrade others, speak down to them, treat them with disrespect, “step upon” them with rude words, drive them to the depths of despair?  Am I Hannah, a person of integrity, a woman of faith, a person who takes his/her sorrow, his/her agonizing moments to the Lord, asking for God’s help, trusting in the Lord, knowing God personally and intimately in such a way that I keep nothing from Him? Or am I Eli, who misjudges others, looks down upon them, verbally and emotional abusing them without knowing or seeking the truth from them?

May I have the courage to acknowledge when the Penninah and the Eli in me. And, like Hannah, may I have the strength and the wisdom to develop an intimate relationship, a friendship with God, that holds nothing back from Him.