Mary, Mother of Sorrows

The Third Sorrow: the Loss of Jesus in the Temple.  All of us, at one time or another, have lost someone or something we valued. A frantic search ensues until we have found that which we have lost.  The more valuable the lost item the more frantic the search.  At other times what we have lost is our integrity, our good name, a sense of personal security, inner peace, and/or a self-confidence in our abilities.  We wonder whether or not we will ever regain the self we seem to have lost.  Feelings that plague us over such losses may be fear, a dread, that plunges us into despair, self-doubt, a second guessing of our ability to survive.  Will we ever again find that priceless pearl of the self that we lost.

I will never forget the year, in my early twenties, when, out of the blue, so it seemed,   I plunged into a severe depression.  For an entire year, I felt like I was living in a black hole with no light at the end of the tunnel.  I feared insanity as I peered into the mirror and reflecting back at me were pitiable, glossed-over eyes.   I got through each day singing, over and over again, “Deep in my heart, I do believe, Lord, we shall overcome someday.”  I never gave up but I truly feared never seeing the light again. Would this state of mind consume me and lead to permanent emotional paralysis, I wondered? I accepted personal responsibility to ask for a change of ministry.  I surfaced stronger than ever, as did Mary, Mother of Sorrows. Was it, that she was at my side all of that time, knowing I was reliving this third sorrow of unbearable loss of my true self, a self at that point in my life that I had not yet really found.

How have you experienced this third sorrow of Mary?