Projecting our Problems onto Another

In today’s Gospel, Luke 10: 38-42, Jesus gently rebukes his friend Martha.  Martha is upset that her sister Mary is not helping her. She states that she is “burdened with  much serving” while Mary sits at Jesus’ feet listening to His every word.  Note how Martha addresses Jesus. She says to Him:  “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving?  Tell her to help me.”  Truthfully, Jesus does not care.  It was Martha who cared that her sister was not helping her.  Martha was upset with Mary, not Jesus.  Martha is projecting her personal concerns upon the Lord. Consciously or unconsciously, she wants Jesus to rescue her. Wisely, Jesus challenges Martha to look at her own behaviors and take responsibility for them.  Mary is not her problem.  Her problem exists within her because of the messages she may be giving herself, namely: “Mary should be helping me.” Or “it’s awful that Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet and not moving a finger to give me a lift.”    Whenever we “should” others or ourselves or “awfulize” a situation, we will experience anger. Martha could have said many others things to herself that would not have triggered negative feelings. For instance, she could have said:  “I’m glad Mary is sitting with Jesus; I don’t have time right now.”  Or “I have a lot to do but I will manage just fine.”  She also could have asked Mary directly to give her a hand while allowing her the freedom of accepting  or declining the invitation.  Taking responsibility and expressing her needs while allowing Mary to option to say “yes” or “no” would have built Martha’s  self-esteem and self-confidence, not  wear it down.

In what ways to I fall into Martha’s trap of complaining about another, feeling sorry for myself and wanting another to rescue me? When do I project my problems onto another?