No Where to Turn

In today’s first reading, Tobit 3: 1-11a, 16-17, we encounter two very grief-stricken persons: Tobit and Raguel’s daughter Sarah. Tobit wanted God to take his life.  Tobit says to God: “It is better for me to die than to live, because I have heard insulting calumnies, and I am overwhelmed with grief.”  Sarah, who lost seven husbands  because of “the wicked demon Asmodeus [who] killed them off before they could have intercourse with her” is taunted by her maid. This maid accused her of strangling “your husbands! Look at you! You have already been married seven times, but you have had no joy with any one of your husbands. Why do you beat us? Is it on account of your seven husbands, because they are dead? May we never see a son or daughter of yours!”

Both Tobit and Sarah have recourse to God. Tobit cries out:  “Lord, command me to be delivered from such anguish; let me go to the everlasting abode; Lord, refuse me not. For it is better for me to die than to endure so much misery in life, and to hear these insults!”  Sarah comes to realize that “it is far better for me not to hang myself, but to beg the Lord to have me die, so that I need no longer live to hear such insults.”  Neither one of them hides their agonizing pain from the Lord.  Their honesty with the Lord in prayer leads to relief in a way they could never have imagined. In short, God works miracles by sending the angel Raphael to heal Tobit’s physical blindness and  “to marry… Sarah to Tobit’s son Tobiah, and then drive the wicked demon Asmodeus from her.”

When you and I are at our lowest, are we honest with God in prayer or do we hide our pain?  To whom  or to what do we have recourse when we can’t take it anymore?  Drugs? Sex? Shopping? Overeating? Starving ourselves? Gambling?  God?  Do we still believe miracles are possible, that God is listening to us when no one else seems to care?

The Indescrible Pain of a Situational Depression

In today’s first reading, Job 3: 1-3, 11-17, 2023, Job curses the day that he was born. Sunk into a deep depression caused by the loss of everything—his children and his property—Job is so distraught that death seems to be the only solution to his indescribable pain.  “Why did I not perish at birth,” He asks the Lord. “Why is…life [given] to the bitter in spirit? They wait for death and it comes not; they search for it rather than for hidden treasures, rejoice in it exultingly and are glad when they reach the grave: those whose path is hidden from them, and whom God has hemmed in!”  Depression can be so painful that death seems like the only out.  In my deepest pain, I have said: “Lord, I understand why some people consider suicide.”  Job was at that point.

Both Job and the psalmist, in today’s responsorial psalm, Psalm 88, teach us how to bare our souls to the Lord  when we are in the pit of desolation: 

                                Let my prayer come before you;

                                Incline your ear to my call for help.

                                For my soul is surfeited with troubles

                                And my life draws near to the nether world.

                                I am numbered with those who go down into the pit;

                                I am a man [a woman, a young girl/boy] without strength.

                                My couch is among the dead,

                                Like the slain who lie in the grave,

                                …who are cut off from your care.

                                You have plunged me into the bottom of the pit,

                                Into the dark abyss....                             

When we are in such darkness, it is important not to minimize it. Others may do that in hopes of making us feel better. The fact is we are in pain.  That is what needs to be expressed in agonizing prayer (the way Jesus talked to His Father in Gethsemane). It also needs to be talked about with someone who is supportive and loving and doesn’t need to “fix” it.  Sometimes all the other can do is hold our hand. I read a book recently of a man suffering a serious situational depression. Besides seeing a professional counselor, what most helped him was the person who visited him daily and simply, with his permission, massaged his feet--that connection was the only connection he felt. The friend remained silent as he lovingly did the foot massage. He did not offer meaningless platitudes. He was supportive, as Mary was beneath the cross of Jesus, where she shared her Son’s powerlessness.

What do I do when  someone I love is suffering a darkness that I am powerless to remove?  Am I willing to be there without trying to “fix” it?  Or, do I stay away because I do not want to feel powerless with the person in a pit so deep that the solution  is out of reach at the moment?             

Be Not Afraid of What I Am Asking of You

“’Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary  your wife into your home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”  When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his house” (Mt 1: 16, 18-21, 24a).

Imagine the agony of Joseph in discovering that Mary, to whom he is engaged,  is pregnant.  He trusted her. He loves her dearly and felt privileged that she is to be his wife. He then finds out that she is carrying a child that is not his own.  Distraught, he plans to divorce her quietly so as not to shame her.  He also is terrified that she could be stoned to death, the consequences, in  that culture, if found to have conceived a child out of wedlock.  Struggling with the situation, a messenger from God appears to him in a dream one night and reveals to him the circumstances of Mary’s pregnancy and that the son she is carrying is the Messiah, the one who “will save his people from their sins.”  “Do not be afraid, Joseph, to accept Mary as your wife; take her into your home.” And Joseph obeys the messenger of God.

Joseph suddenly realizes, in a profound way, the purpose for which God created him: to protect, cherish and love Mary and to be the foster father of Jesus, the Son of God made man.  He is to provide for both of them, being compassionate as His heavenly Father is compassionate, being understanding, and caring.  He is no longer identified with his job, that of a carpenter. His calling is much more profound than that. His career is not his calling. It is not the reason God brought him into existence.

For what purpose did God bring you into the world? What is your calling?  What gives substance and meaning to your existence? What transcends  job/career for you and transforms you into the best version of yourself as a human being?

Mary Standing by and with her Son

Holy  Saturday: A day of mourning as Mary and the disciples grieve the crucifixion and death of Jesus.  Many must have known that the leaders of her nation were plotting to kill her son. No doubt, also, Jesus did not keep secrets from His mother.  He knew that His hour was approaching. I sense Mary did, too. Jesus’ prayer at the Last Supper,  “Father,  the hour has come: glorify your Son so that your Son may glorify you; so that, just as you have given him power over all humanity, he may give eternal life to all those you have entrusted to him” does not mean that the physical and emotional pain of His crucifixion and death were negated.  Both Jesus and Mary suffered the full blunt and excruciating agony of the way in which He was treated by the leaders of their nation.  Mary, most likely, witnessed all of it, I believe. She would not have abandoned her Son in the hour of His greatest need.  No healthy mother would do that to her child.

As I reflected on the high probability that Mary witnessed, not only Jesus’ dying on the cross, but also his being nailed to it, I thought of the millions of men and women, children and adolescents, young adults, “nailed” to agonizing, humiliating, violent abusive situations:

·         Those unjustly imprisoned

·         Those sold to the sex trade, to forced labor camps/factories

·         Those “locked” in abusive marriages or other relationships

·         Those enslaved to any and all kinds of addictive behaviors

·         Those battling terminal illnesses and chronic mental disorders

·         Those living in extreme poverty and forced to live on our streets

·         Those forced into gang activity

·         Those unprotected from being murdered in the womb

·         Those unable to escape verbal, emotional, mental, physical and sexual abuse in or outside of their families

O Jesus, you are nailed to the cross and crucified every day by humanity’s inhumane ways of treating each other.

 O Mary, is there any sorrow as great as your sorrow as you watch your sons and daughters, especially little children, being “nailed”  and abandoned to agonizing situations, as Jesus was nailed to the cross and crucified on Calvary?