Being Vulnerable in Prayer

In today's Entrance Antiphon, we pray:  When I cried to the Lord, he heard my voice; he rescued me from those who attack me. Entrust your cares to the Lord, and he will support you."

Wow! I had just poured my soul out to the Lord in personal prayer, complaining about a phrase in Sarah Young's book, Jesus Calling, in which, through  her, the Lord says to the reader:  "Let me help you through this day. The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone. You are keenly aware of your helplessness in the scheme of events you face" (March 7th).  I felt humiliated by those statements and told Jesus just that! What I heard back in prayer was: Trust me. I am with you. I hold you by your hand. I am at your side. Pause to remind yourself of that fact. Rely on Me. I am standing by waiting for you to seek my help."  I said "thank you," and, in my prayer, the Lord then continued:  Do not put yourself down! Everyone is helpless in face of the day's events in their lives.  You are no exception!  I am your strength. Remember that fact and that I come to you every morning in the Eucharist to give you the strength you need each day, one day at a time."

Then, I read the Entrance Antiphon for today's liturgy and realized that, by trusting my cares to the Lord,  God not only supported me but also rescued me, not from outside attackers, but from myself!

Your experience of God in prayer today?

Our Vulnerability and Need for God's Help

In today's Gospel, Mark 6: 14-29, the evangelist shares with us the tragic story of King Herod, his daughter and his wife Herodias, all involved in the murder of John the Baptist.  Mark tells us that "Herod was the one who had John arrested and bound in prison on account of Herodias, the wife of his brother Philip, whom he had married. John had said to Herod, 'It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife.'" Herodias held a grudge against John the Baptist and wanted him killed. She got her chance when Herod, on  his birthday,  held a banquet, to which he invited "his courtiers, his military officers, and the leading men of Galilee. At this party his daughter danced in his honor. Herod was so delighted in her dance that he offered her anything she wanted, including half his kingdom.  She asked her mother what she should request and her mother said: "The head of John the Baptist." Not wanting to go back on his promise of giving her anything she wanted, he ordered John the Baptist murdered in prison and the head brought to his wife on a platter, just as she had requested!

"Gross," you and I say. "How could he/she/they do such a thing? How horrible.  What depravity! What immorality! What kind of persons were they?" And all we have to do each day is turn on the news and some where, some place, at some time, this same scenario is played out before our very eyes! Some times the issue is romantic involvement with another person, that is coveting another man's wife or woman's husband. At other times, its greed for money or coveting material possessions that belong to another person! Or some other incomprehensible reason also conjured up by distorted thinking and out-of-control passions.

I pray: Lord, save me from myself; save us from ourselves!  How vulnerable we can be to the very emotions that blinded and deafened Herod, Herodias and their daughter!  We are not immune to harboring anger. We can become consumed by our grudges and resentments. And these can lead us to hurting others, maybe not to the extent of the persons in today's Scripture reading, but, nonetheless, to doing that which we will deeply regret.

What kind of thoughts am I, are you entertaining, and are they such from which we need to be saved!  Let us call upon Jesus to save us from ourselves.  I did that today, as I was focusing on negative  issues: a relationship problem, the state of our country and government, my fatigue and my lack of energy, and some health issues. I needed to change course. So I asked Jesus to save me from myself! By days end God helped me turn my focus back to Him!

Commitment to Christ, to the Gospel

In today's first reading, 2 Cor 11: 1-11, St. Paul voices his fear that those to whom He preached Christ Crucified and shared the Good News of Christ will allow themselves "to be corrupted from a sincere and pure commitment to Christ," as Satan is very cunning. Just as he deceived Eve, St. Paul is afraid that he will deceive those who have come to a believe in Christ through his preaching.

Satan works as hard to deceive you and I as he worked to lure Adam and Eve away from God's commands. Adam and Eve gave into Satan's lies. You and I are also vulnerable to the lies of "the serpent" who slithers into our lives luring us into believing that "anything goes," that it is okay to tell white lies, to gossip about others, to bend the rules to fit our fancy, to do whatever because everyone is doing it, and on and on!  "It's okay to cheat on our marriage vows, on the vows we confessed as men and women religious, as priests. It's okay to give in a little to temptations to get even, to seek selfish ambitions to be above others, to lord it over others", and so on and on and on!

Have I allowed my "sincere and pure commitment to Christ" to become corrupted? "Oh, only a little, my ego says!" Corruption is corruption! Lord, I pray, that I will return to you in repentance and seek Your help to return to being sincere and purely committing myself to You again! I pray, Lord, for the humility to admit my vulnerability and to  repent of the times  I made excuses for becoming lukewarm in service of You, the times I lost my first fervor, my first love!

Our Vulnerabilities and Weaknesses and God's Strength and Understanding

“…[S]teadfast is his kindness toward us, and the fidelity of the Lord endures forever,” is what we pray in today’s responsorial psalm.   In the Gospel, Jesus teaches us to pray, saying “Father, hallowed (blessed, sacred, holy) be your name, your Kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread and forgive us our sins (on a daily basis, Lord)….”  In the first reading, Galatians 2: 1-2, 7-14, Paul confronts  Peter for his hypocrisy, as he stops associating with Gentiles when his fellow Jews are around, protecting himself from their criticism. In this case, Peter is unfaithful to Jesus’ example of inclusivity out of fear of his fellow Jews. This is not new behavior on Peter’s part. When the “fire got turned up” following Jesus’ arrest, Peter denies Him. When he realizes his sinfulness, Peter sobs, repents and returns to the Lord for mercy.

God is always faithful to us sinners, is always our Father, always protecting us, always loving us no matter what we do contrary to what Jesus teaches us. This past week I found myself in Peter’s place.  I was unkind, unchristian and rude toward an airline agent who communicated the news that I would not be able to get a flight home (a flight was cancelled on my outgoing business trip and now again on my return home). I reacted poorly, berating the airlines and demanding that a way be found for me to return home that night.  “I had to get home tonight,” I angrily stated. I could have avoided this escalation of my anger had I said to myself:  “It would be nice to get home tonight but that is not possible. Go and enjoy a quiet evening reading in a comfortable hotel room, enjoy a nice meal and relax.”

 As time passed and I got settled in the hotel for the night, I came face to face with my sinfulness, my infidelity to Jesus, my vulnerability to human weakness.  However, not only did I berate the airlines and speak rudely to the agent, I now began to berate myself.  Jesus’ response, once I came to Him (initially I could not pray), was:  Dorothy Ann, you do not deserve to be verbally abused (any more than did the lady working at the airlines’ Customer Service Center). Your expectation of getting home was not met. Humanly speaking you are going to feel disappointed, frustrated….Stop berating yourself. Yes, sin in you rears its head from time to time to teach you your dependence upon Me, that, without Me, left to your own devices, you will succumb to your willfulness and selfishness.  The good you do, at any time, is the Spirit at work in you. The not-so-good-- the unkindness, selfishness, stinginess, the narrow-mindedness, the impatience—is weakness in you. You are vulnerable to that weakness at any time. At all times you are in need of grace.”