Mary, Mother of Sorrows

Mary, Mother of Sorrows:  This week we will reflect on the fourth sorrow of Mary, the loss of Jesus in the Temple.  For three days, Mary and Joseph did not know where their Son was.  Did the worst happen to Him?  Was He kidnapped and put to death?  Did the authorities who searched to kill Him at His birth discover who He was and were they plotting to find Him on this particular occasion?  Mary and Joseph must have suffered sheer agony at the loss of Jesus. For three days, they had no idea where their Son was.  Every day of Mary’s life she must have worried that something horrible would happen to Him, as she pondered the prophesy of Simeon, “…your child is destined…to be a sign that will be opposed…and a sword will pierce your own soul….(Lk 2:34).  Was this the loss about which Simeon was talking?

Mary knows the agony of parents who lose a child, no matter how that loss occurs: snatched by a sexual predator, kidnapped by an ex-spouse, in danger of being abused/murdered by an ex seeking revenge.  Mary knows the emotional devastation imHim Hia parent experiences when she “loses” a child to drugs and alcohol or to any other addiction that consumes a child’s life and blocks any hope of a significant connection.  She knows the agony of “losing” a child to a mental illness.  She even knows the pain parents experience when their child is old enough to go out on his/her own, get married and leaves home for good. 

Do you seek Mary’s help when you are going through a loss?  You may be surprised by her ability to empathize, to offer support, to give you the strength you need.

Choosing freedom

Today’s first reading, James  1: 19-27, is filled with wisdom!  St. James reminds us that, if we want to accomplish God’s righteousness and justice, we need to “be quick to hear, slow to speak, [and] slow to anger” (James 1: 19).  Unless I hear what another is saying, not what I want them to be saying or what I think they are saying but what, in fact, they  actually are saying, there is no way that I will do them justice or treat them or myself with respectability. Only when being respectful of both my truth and the truth of others (which may juxtapose my perception) will I reach the righteousness of God. The ego wants domination and control. It wants to remain on its throne, a place of superiority.  Thus it will, without grace and alienated from one’s truer self—the Spirit Self or the God self—not be respectful either of its own position, when it honestly is different from another’s, nor will it respect the position of the other,  when that stance is the antithesis of its own.  Egos will play ping pong with each other. That is an ego’s inherent characteristic.

St. James gives us a recipe of freedom—the freedom of God.  He suggests that we step back and not fuel the ego’s need to defend its throne.  “Be quick to hear” is an endorsement of reflective listening, that is, reflecting back to the other person what you heard them say and allowing that person to clarify what he/she said, if you did not hear accurately.  It is also a reiteration of St. Francis’ peace prayer: “Seek not so much to be understood as to understand.”  The ego wants to be understood, no matter what, and will play “ping-pong” hoping its shot will land  “a knock-out” so it can remain on its throne.  Instead of going for “a knock out,” can I accept that the other felt understood by me (that person will say “yeah, that’s what I meant”) before I calmly state my truth or share my perception without demanding to be understood or that the other change his/her stance.  The goal, in other words,  is  a calm exchange  of each other’s position—that is more likely to happen if the other feels understood first.

  By seeking to understand first, we are choosing freedom, a freedom that gives us the energy to “care for orphans and widows [for anyone in need] and to keep oneself unstained by the world” (James 1: 27) that proposes domination, control  and superiority over others.  May we learn this wisdom.