In today’s Gospel, Matthew 22:34-40, Jesus is asked which of
the commandments is the greatest and Jesus responds: “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with
all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment.
The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
How many of us truly love ourselves? How often I find myself being dissatisfied
with this and that and the next thing about myself. I have a tendency to drive myself crazy because
of my need for perfection and order. There are times, it seems, when nothing is ever good enough for me.
I was complaining to the Lord this morning because I did not
follow a disciplined approach in organizing my day. Instead of starting the day with an hour of
prayer, I started it by reorganizing the vocation ministry library and looking
for a bookshelf to accommodate a significant number of books being brought here
from one of our houses. Anxiously, I pondered my options and did not sit down
to pray until I felt satisfied with the decision I made to accept an offer from
another person to give, not one, but two bookcases from the house she is
leaving.
As I spoke to the Lord about my frustration, the following
dialogue ensued:
Lord, I get so frustrated with myself when I do not hold myself to a disciplined
schedule, beginning the day with an hour of prayer and ending it with an hour
of spiritual reading.
Dorothy Ann, let go of making schedules and disciplined
rigidity your idols! And why is that the exploring you did this morning is not
ok as the start of your work day?
Because I wanted to begin the work day with prayer.
You did! You prayed the divine office and participated in
Holy Mass with your community.
Help me, Jesus, accept my humanness. I admit that I needed to come to a
decision about the book-shelf offers that I originally rejected.
At times, you are a ball of nervous energy, Dorothy Ann, driven for
perfection and order.
Jesus, I bring that energy to You!
I am always at work in you, Dorothy Ann. Your desire for
perfection and order is a gift for you to cherish as is your desire for
connection with loved ones and with what is happening in the world you live in
and which you reach out to each evening , in part, through browsing Facebook
entries and calling a friend. Remember, I am in all and work through all! Recall what I told Peter: Do not call anything profane of my creation. I will speak to you, Dorothy Ann, through any “vehicle”: disorganized or
organized energy, emptiness and boredom or clarity and fullness of life that
delights you. Nothing do I reject or
treat with disdain. I ask that you follow my example! By loving yourself in this way, you will
increase your love for your neighbor, the second of the commandments.
