Dealing with Difficult Times and Depressing Feelings

In today's first reading, Job 9: 1-12, 14-6, Job is so depressed that he cursed the day that he was born:  "Perish the day on which I was born, the night when they said, 'It is a boy!' Why did I not perish at birth, come forth from the womb and expire," Job asks God in his despairing moments. Depression is a horrible experience. Many suffer its ravaging emotions, its darkness, not knowing what to do or to whom to turn. Sometimes medication simply does not seem to work. All seems lost!  To get out of bed in the morning, to put one foot ahead of the other, so to speak, to keep on and stay involved in life in spite of one's lethargy is a monumental task.

Many of us, when going through hard times, are encouraged by the psalms. In today's responsorial psalm, Psalm 88, we pray:

O Lord, my God, by day I cry out;
at night I clamor in your presence.
Let my prayer come before you; 
incline your ear to my call for help.

For my soul is surfeited with troubles
and my life draws near to the nether world.
I am numbered with those who go down into the pit;
I am a [person] without strength.

My couch is among the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
Whom you remember no longer
and who are cut off from your care.

You have plunged me into the bottom of the pit,
into the dark abyss [of depression].
Upon me your wrath [seems to lie] heavy, 
and with all your billows you overwhelm me.

That is what depression feels like! Both Job and the psalmist teach us to mince no words in our prayer but to tell the Lord how it really is with us when we are troubled, troubled to the point of death!  Let us not pretend that all is well when all is not well!  God wants honesty from us, not because He does not know what we may be suffering but because honesty sets us free. When we can name an emotion, we are in control. When we are unable to name our emotions, they control us! Let us take control by acknowledging before God what we are truly feeling when we are down or hurt, angry or frustrated.  I have found that sharing my feelings with the Lord in writing and then asking for God's counsel works for me. God always comes through with words of Wisdom that lift my spirits, that give me the courage to go on and stay involved in life, giving the best I am capable of giving!

How about you?

Doubt Changed to Belief

In today's Gospel, John 20: 24-29, Thomas says to his fellow apostles, who testify to Jesus' resurrection from the dead, that he will not believe, unless he personally encounters the Risen Lord. Thomas does not put on airs. He is honest about his faith at that point.  He has seen Jesus horribly crucified, dead on the cross, as any criminal crucified by the Romans. How could Jesus possibly be anything but dead. His hopes shattered. His belief destroyed, so it seemed, by doubt. "Unless I put my hands into the marks of His hands and side, I will not believe."

Thomas believes on his own merits. He believes after a personal encounter with the Risen Christ.  That, too, is how our faith  grows, namely, by developing a personal relationship with the Lord, by talking to the Lord, by spending time in His presence, by being honest with the Lord, not pretending, by seeking the Lord and sharing our doubts, fears, hurts, concerns, our love and faith, by being involved in what is happening in the world and striving to do good!

In the first reading, Eph. 2: 19-22, St Paul tells us that we are no longer strangers, aliens, or sojourners. We are members of the household of God with all of the saints and angels in heaven; yes, with St. Thomas and all of the apostles.  Just as Thomas and the apostles shared intimately with Jesus, experienced what Jesus went through, so, too, do you and I. We are not strangers to suffering or resurrection, to doubt or faith, to love or a lack of love, anymore that Jesus was! Also, reflect on what it means to you to be a member of the household of God--think of what it means to be a member of your family and then translate that into being part of God's household. What a gift! What a privilege! What an honor! Just as I drop in anytime and am welcome in my family here on earth, am I welcome into God's house, day or night!

Communicating with the Lord in all Honesty

In today's first reading, Numbers 11: 4b-15, the people are complaining bitterly against Moses about being stuck in a desert without their cherish foods, especially meat.  "...[W]e see nothing before us but this manna."  God responds angrily, the author of Numbers tells us, at the people's grumbling and forgetting how He freed them from 400 years of slavery. Moses, likewise, is angry. "Why do you treat your servant so badly?...Why are you so displeased with me that you burden me with all this people....If this is the way you will deal with me, then please do me the favor of killing me at once, so I need no longer face this distress."

"Moses, don't you know that you are talking to God,"  we might want to say to Moses.   God does not kill Moses and neither does Moses take his own life.  What we learn  here is to deal with crises in our lives by being totally honest with the Lord.  No pretensions!  It is okay to say: "I'm angry, Lord. I feel treated poorly. What gives!"  With close friends, a person does not need to mince words! Neither do we need to withhold our real thoughts and real feelings from God. When I was grieving the death of my mother, the absence of my father, hate letters from my stepmother, and a host of other smaller losses, I was outraged at God.  My anger was palatable.  I was also convinced that God was displeased with me--why else was life so awful, at least it seemed that way to me at the time.  The Lord made it clear to me during one of my prayer times that He had no problem with my anger but that I did.  

Moses and God were intimate friends.  They talked "real" to each other all of the time.  What about you? Are you transparent with God?  Are you honest with God, sharing all of your thoughts, feelings aspirations, hopes, dreams, fears; sharing the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the positive and the negative?  If not, why not?  And do you wait upon the Lord for His response?  Do you take time to listen to the Lord to communicate with you, to assure you of His Presence, of His cconcern?