Praying One's Experiences

This morning was one of those mornings when I knew that I had to bare my soul to the Lord and honestly search for what was going on within me, why was I so angry about a situation over which I have no control, where was I getting hooked?  I could have gone to today’s Scripture readings and had a Pollyanna experience versus getting downright “dirty” by looking at my disgruntled spirit!  I knew what I needed to do.

I asked the Lord to show me why I was so broiled with negative feelings.  Ever find yourself having thoughts of which you are ashamed?  “Me, thinking that way?”  “Oh, my goodness.” So I identified the ugly thoughts, the unkind thoughts, laid them before the Lord and asked God to give me feedback. I  swished to my nondominant hand and started writing. The following message emerged, I believe, from the  Holy Spirit counseling me from my true self:

 Dorothy Ann, I know your pain. You are not a bad person, an ugly person. I commend your honesty in acknowledging those negative feelings, recognizing, as well,      the accompanying thoughts. Let these thoughts pass by like dark clouds. Do not judge yourself or condemn yourself.

Your ego, wanting to control, has clashed with another ego wanting control as well. Two mountains have crashed into each other. For your sake and the other person’s sake, seek refuge in Me. Yes, come to Me. I will refresh you. Let me arm you with patience, humility and love.

 I prayed:  “Free me from the tyranny of my ego! Spare me from crashing into that “rock” and not heeding your warning:  “Walk away.”

When I discussed the issue with my twin sister Doris, who is in heaven, she encouraged me to surrender my ego to the Lord, showed me what I was “fighting about” that got me hooked and then reminded me that the Lord knows what I need before I ask Him. She also asked me to trust the Lord and He will act.

I then thanked the Lord for the grace to say “I’m sorry” to the person with whose ego I clashed and asked forgiveness.